The “day” is here.

This afternoon I am due at the hospital to prepare for the operation tomorrow.  Well, I presume the operation is tomorrow, as I really have no idea what is happening.  I must say it feels like there is this big “black hole” waiting for me after lunch today.  I have wondered if it is that I am such a control freak and this is way out of my control that I feel like this.

I had to call the hospital yesterday to check they were expecting me as I had not received any form of confirmation of the operation, apart from the phone call from the surgeon’s nurse.  After my call to the nurse yesterday, the hospital did send me an email confirming that I need to be at the hospital at 2pm today, but nothing more than that.  So I have no idea what is happening…. am I even staying in the hospital tonight, I don’t know.  What time is the operation on Friday, I don’t know.  Will the operation be successful, I don’t know.  What will my life be like, after the operation, I don’t know.  Will I have a life after the operation, I don’t know.

It feels like the “black hole” is doing its best to swallow me up.

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