Today is day 8 of being home. I am loving the food, just wish it would love me back. It seems that I take two steps forward and one step back, or have two days good and one bad. Either physically or mentally or both.
On a good day I think I am being positive and want to do things. The bad days, apart from the surgery pain, there is the stomach getting used to eating and also the mental struggle. Some days I feel as if I have used up all my positivity. I just want to curl into a ball and hide from the world. But ha I cant curl up to a ball yet, the surgery site is still too painful. I am avoiding phone calls or talking to people. Not sure why. I love it when people come to visit, but I am struggling when they call or message. So if you have tried getting hold of me, I do apologise, I am just not there at the moment.
The call came through during the week with the pathology results. To be told that although the operation was a great success, I am still not out of the woods. Even though I suspected I would need to go back to chemotherapy, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Of the 6 lymph nodes removed 2 of them came back positive for cancer. Hey, I know that only 2 of the 6 lymph nodes being positive is a good result, but I suppose I was hanging on to the thought that they would all be clear, that this horrid disease had been contained within the pancreas.
So on Tuesday morning, I am back to see the Oncologist to get the next stage organised, then back to the surgeon for a check up on Wednesday and to be officially told the results from the surgery. I say officially, as although I was trying to take it all in on the phone, I find I don’t, so I need someone (Wayne) there to listen and take it in for me. To ask the questions that I have screaming in my head but too scared to ask them myself.
On a celebratory note, our gorgeous little man turned 1 on the 31st March. We are so happy for him, but it tears my heart that he is so far away. Happy Birthday Elijah.
Pretty! Tһіs has been an incredibly wonderful post.
Thanks for supplying these details.